Dust and the Divine

Many prefer to shelve their past like an old volume – fondly to be remembered on occasion, but for the most part leaving it a dust-catcher. Perhaps there are things about it that are painful. Perhaps we dislike what it shows us about ourselves. Perhaps it feels like a weight holding us down and burdening us. But for whatever reason, in pursuit of our new selves we tend to cut off ourselves from anything predating the present, feeling it is for the best.

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The reason we are in search of ourselves, however, is that we think we have no self – at least not much of one to speak of. We feel empty, and so we hope to find ourselves elsewhere.

What we miss, though, is that every person has their own story – and this is what makes every human unique. It is to some degree what's within us, but it's also our experiences. Our story is what is within us responding to what is beyond us, and vice versa in a kind of dance, over a period of time that started with our birth.

We are searching for ourselves, and we look everywhere but the mirror. Perhaps we should treat our pasts as foundations for the future, rather than live in denial of them.

Are you ashamed of it? Then let forgiveness and redemption be your focus. Was it painful? Then let the quest for healing drive you. Was it encumbering? Then your story is about seeking relief from your burden.

Of course you may have heard all this before, and possibly came to this conclusion a long time ago and still are in search. Don't mistake what I am saying, though. I'm not saying follow the winds wherever they take you. I'm saying let the past in. Let it out of the reservoir you confined it to, and allow it to mingle with the rest of the river. Let the past be as much a part of you as the present. Living in denial of it can't do you any good. Only by looking at your life as a whole can you truly be whole.

The past, of course, is passive. It happened already, but the present is happening now. It is what it is, and we are what we are – still aching for fulfillment, for an answer. Accepting the past is one step, but what is the next step?

Personally I have found my wholeness in Jesus. I know I am incomplete, weak, in need of forgiveness, in need of a guide, in need of healing, in need of boundless love. But he is the answer to all of that. He is the God who fills the eternal gap in my world. He is strength even when I am powerless. He made the great sacrifice so I could be forgiven everything. He is wisdom incarnate, directing my life when I can't see my path. He is the great healer. He gives love even when I'm a stubborn and thoughtless idiot.

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Without him my life – my past and my being – becomes meaningless, a hopeless drama ending in bitterness. In him, however, I see the missing piece to this great puzzle. With him it all begins to make sense. All of the rotten things in my past – they happened so God could show me how much he loves me in covering my weaknesses. All the amazing things in my past – he takes them and makes them infinitely more meaningful, renewing them and sometimes introducing a new spin.

My past won't gather dust on the shelf. It will remain part of me as a testament to God's goodness and greatness no matter where I go. I don't have to keeping searching for my self. I simply have to acknowledge it. I am who God made me and is making me. In this I find true fulfillment and joy.