Wednesday, December 2, 2015

What Could I Have Missed?

Few things can deaden your pace more than a recurring problem. When you thought you had figured something out, imagining you put the nail in its coffin, and yet it still comes back to burden you. You ride on winds of an epiphany one day, and the very next find yourself in the spiritual doldrums as if nothing happened. How can you go on, fearing that you will never find your way out of this dark forest?

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On paper you may be able to pin a complex mathematical issue in minutes. But for some things, even if all the facts line up, even if you can see the result in numbers, you find you still just don't get it. Experience and logic can hammer the same message into you time and again. But still, in the face of new or returning issues, it can still fail to make complete sense to you. What, you ask, do I have to learn that I haven't already? Why am I still so confused?

Sometimes we can accept things in our minds, but our hearts simply do not follow. At this point, it may be we have to wait for the movement of something beyond ourselves. Perhaps this is what it means to need the help of the Holy Spirit.

Psalm 127:1
Unless the Lord builds the house,
they who build it labor in vain.”

It is hard to wait. When we are confused, in pain or spiritual turmoil, we want answers and we want them right away. We want to know now why this is still happening. We groan, we clench our fists, we pull our hair and grind our teeth, hoping that some miracle will come along to restore the sunlight to what has become our cavern of doubt.

Your first impulse may be to look for distractions. Perhaps if you divert your attention from the problem long enough, it will solve itself by the time you come back to it. And sometimes if you have to wait, it is good to find something you enjoy doing to lighten your spirit. But the distractions are not the cure to the pain. You may spend a day of procrastinating/recreating, and come tomorrow the tension will still be strong as ever. You can continue striving to amuse yourself, but you may find you are only making things worse and sinking gradually deeper into despair.

But what if prayer was your first impulse?

The mention of prayer may make us bristle at first. How do you know that if you pray things will magically get better? Usually, in fact, it doesn't. We ask God to make things better, but nothing happens. Why waste your time?

Prayer, however, has a different purpose.

It's not about putting in orders and expecting them to be filled. It is a reviving of that link between us and the One who shapes the course of our life. It reminds us of who is in control. It takes our focus off the apparent chaos before us, and draws it to the reality that transcends the circumstances.

We may tell ourselves we can have no peace until a solid, incontestable answer to the problem is revealed and clicks within us. But the answer we are looking for may look almost negligible if we compare it to the answer we have already received in Christ, a truth that can be found in simple, stereotypically trotted out verses such as “All things work together for good to those who love God.” Under such knowledge, we can rest in the realization that we don't always have to have an answer for everything right when we want it, because we know something else is going on beyond what we see.


It may be something we have to learn over and over before our heart fully accepts it. But we don't have to torture ourselves for our ignorance until then. Instead we can relinquish our confusion entirely to God, who bears the burden we were trying to shoulder, because he is the only one who can. This, I believe, is the real way to peace in times of uncertainty, a relief from anxiety and spiritual release. This was, and is, the ultimate unchanging answer.

Psalm 55:22
Cast your burden on the Lord,
and he will sustain you.”


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