You Are Conquerors

I wouldn’t have chosen it. At the time I felt confused, feeling something was terribly wrong, convinced it was unfair. “Why is this happening to me?” This question constantly plagued my heart, fueling my anger, stoking my frustration, crushing me with despair.

Looking back on it, though, that’s when I wonder –

Would I have been the same person I am today if it never happened?

We all long for Eden. We all desire peace – peace of mind, peace of body, peace of soul. None of us knowingly choose the path of hardship and trial. We all want to be happy, to have everything go our way, to keep what’s precious to us safely guarded. Why wouldn’t we?

Yet if we never new what it was to lack, to feel robbed, to experience pain – could we ever fully appreciate what true Heaven has to offer?

If everything went just how we wanted from start to finish, we would never know struggle – and we would never know just how deep and sweet relief is. If we never had to fight for anything, how could we be satisfied with what we earned? If we never lost anything, how could we fully appreciate what we have? So many things we take for granted, and their value in our minds dwindles. Yet only someone who has lost everything can appreciate the gift of everything, which God has promised his children. Only if we have known what it feels like to be lost and alone can we experience the joy of being found, being loved, belonging.

I think those with the deepest wounds are the ones who will experience Heaven to the fullest, whose joy will be the greatest.

But if you chose the path of hardship I’d think there was something wrong with you. No suffering at the time is ever enjoyable, can ever be appreciated, much less be seen as something to thank God for. It’s never pretty, it’s never fun.

Yet looking back on my own hardships I will always thank God for them. Why? Because thanks to them I won’t have lived all my life surrounded by pillows and fluff, with everything I wanted delivered to me on a silver platter.

Instead I will have become a fighter – a warrior – a conqueror. A person I don’t have to be ashamed of. The person I always wished I could be.

In the future I know I will struggle. I will most certainly go through more times when I want to yell, hit things, and shake my fist at God, asking him why, with all my anger, sadness, and pain poured into my words and actions.

But on the day I cross to the other side, and enter the gates of paradise, I won’t enter as one who always had it easy. I will enter as a winner. And when I look back on the earthly life I lived, with all its struggles and hardships, I will take a deep breath, and say, “Thank you God, for all the suffering I went through, allowing me to take part in Christ’s suffering, that I may follow after him and share in his glory among the ranks of fellow Christian heroes.”

Until the end of our hardships, then, we have to endure.

The suffering is not because we are losing the battle. It is the battle – and in God’s grace we will always make it through.

“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life the Lord has promised to those who love him.” (James 1:12)